asking for help
Do you feel comfortable asking for help? At what times, and in what ways, are you most likely to request, or even accept, support?
I've seen a theme around this lately, both personally and with clients I support.
Personally, my reluctance to ask for help became an unfortunate joke. On one memorable occasion a year ago, while carrying so much I couldn't see, I tripped down the stairs rather than ask for help. Months later, I was still recovering from the injury. 😅
Many of my clients experience a similar challenge.
The other day, a client (let's call her Jane) was sharing how frequently she is responding to others' requests...listening to their problems, offering advice and solutions, showing up for their events, attending doctors' appointments or fundraisers to offer support...
Jane contrasted that with how seldom she expresses her struggles or asks others for help. Even knowing that her struggles are magnified by repeatedly setting aside her goals and vision to serve others, she is reluctant when it comes to making her own requests.
Jane is a caring, successful, high-achieving, and insightful woman. She has a clear and powerful calling for the change she will create in the world.
Yet, in her own words, "I gave all my energy, desire, and motivation to other people. Now it's hard do anything, even though I know it's important to me."
Do you relate?
You give your all. Then, depletion, exhaustion, overwhelm, doubt...they all flood in, creating even more barriers to the already difficult work of creating positive change and progress.
And, what about asking for help?
While many people agree that, in theory, it "makes sense" or "seems reasonable" to ask for assistance, in practice it feels more like volunteering to have a "kick me" sign placed on your back.
The most common objections?
I don't want to be a burden.
Others will only help because they feel obligated.
People will think I'm needy.
Others are already struggling and overwhelmed, I don't want to put anything else on their plate.
I'll get through it eventually, I always do.
If I have to ask for help, it shows that I failed.
Others will think I'm not good enough or question my ability if I ask for assistance.
To ask something of others feels uncomfortable.
It feels vulnerable.
A myth of "rugged individualism" equates anything other than "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" with a weakness. And most people do not want to publicly expose their deepest insecurities!
When you subscribe to the illusion of self-sufficiency (even inadvertently) you're likely to end up increasingly exhausted and isolated (even with your closest friends).
And if you also share a passion for social progress toward equity, inclusion, and belonging you may find yourself in the same place as Jane...trying to do everything for yourself and others at the same time.
Unfortunately, that's not sustainable. And it's costly. When progress already demands so much, too many end up compromised in health, mood, spirit, or impact.
Where do you recognize you could use some support?
How could you ask for that?
How might receiving some support empower you to continue caring and supporting others with greater energy, effectiveness, and sustainability?
You matter. You can make a difference. I'm so thankful you're here.
