a few things in common
Tell me if you relate...
By the end of the week, my mind was too tired to form thoughts. Each limb of my body felt like it was dragging a bowling ball. My shoulders slumped so far forward I can only guess they wanted to form a cave I could crawl into.
In short, I was totally exhausted. Grief, work, and parenting were all catching up with me. The state of the world and news reports added to the strain.
I had a longing for a quiet weekend to rest, read, and maybe take a couple walks…if I felt up to it.
If you know the feeling, you might guess what happened next.
My daughter had her end-of-week meltdown, my spouse turned on music and videos (simultaneously), my body began alternating between hot and cold, and then my daughter woke at 2 am (wide-awake - thinking it was morning) and took two hours to go back to sleep.
So much for unwinding.
Over the past couple years I created some really strong habits and routines that protected and nourished me…morning yoga, tapping, and breakfast, evening mind puzzles, gratitudes, and meditation, walks in nature, and reconnecting with many people with whom I'd lost touch over the years.
None of that prevents the challenges and changes of life.
Major loss.
Disrupted schedule.
Existential anxiety about the state of the world.
Early morning school departure (this is NOT natural for me!) 😩
As much as I wanted to keep the same habits, the rhythm needed to change.
I had to create a new system. Or did I? 🤔😉
A similar theme is surfacing with many clients, friends, and colleagues. (All identities protected, of course!)
Philip is feeling bleak. He's busy, but bored. He's missing the connection, novelty, and meaning he longs for. He feels weighted down knowing that he could have more impact - if only his bosses would give him the opportunity. In the meantime, he's losing sleep and feeling more and more isolated. He knows what's helped him feel healthier in the past, but it's so hard to make the effort when he's already feeling so down.
Courtney is worn out. She's been doing two full-time roles at work for way too long, caring for her kids as well as her aging parents, and agonizing over how to address the disconnect in her marriage. She longs for emotional connection, genuine understanding, and deep processing, but the sensitivity of her work and relationships make it difficult to disclose personal information. She doesn't want to keep putting in such a huge share of the emotional labor, but it's hard finding people to share the load.
Jessika gives and gives to those around her. She's always got a smile and kind word for someone who is down and she has dreams of breaking away from the toxic work environment in which she's treated like a barista or intern rather than a colleague. Deep down, she has faith she is capable of bigger impact, but it's hard to fully believe it when the messages around her have eroded her confidence for so long.
These incredible people all share a few things in common: deep compassion for others, value of connection and impact, immense brilliance and capabilities, and love for their friends and family, just to name a few.
They also share a common challenge.
What worked for them at one time falls to the side - either because life changes, their own needs change, or new routines make it harder to do the same things that worked before. They struggle to build new patterns that allow them to show up for themselves and also support their desire to continue to show up for others.
No matter how well things have worked in the past, sometimes things shift outside of your control and it's hard to recognize, let alone recuperate, from the changes.
And if you're anything like Philip, Courtney, Jessika, or I, it can be especially hard to establish new habits and routines when you're already exhausted, depleted, and worn thin trying to keep up with the basic needs and expectations of the day.
To get started, here are a few tips:
Review what has worked for you in the past. No strategy is too big or too small. This may spark ideas of what you can try again, even if in a different way.
Explore your current inner longings. Be honest with yourself. What do you need (or need more of) that you aren't getting currently? You are extremely wise. When you listen to yourself, you will tune into your unique compass and naturally orient toward what you need.
Connect to the embodied experience of when you feel healthy and your needs are met (even if right now it only exists in your imagination). This reinforces the value of what you're seeking and can enhance the motivation and energy to pursue it. It even helps jump start the process - those neural connections are already getting strengthened just by connecting to the feeling!
Involve others in supporting you. Change is hard enough. You don't need to do it alone. If the people around you are currently unable to offer the encouragement and support you need, look for other connections or groups that share a value for personal growth and wellbeing that will create safe and nurturing space.
Set specific, realistic, and attainable starting goals. What is the first step (even if it's a nap, finding a good book, or calling a friend)? How will you know when you achieve it? Celebrate the first win before you go on to the next. One step at a time.
Change is decidedly difficult, and while there is much in the world outside of your control, how you take care of yourself is something you can affect - and it contributes to your greatest impact.
You matter. You can make a difference. And, I'm so thankful you're here.
