Why do I do this work?

When I was young, I had a particularly memorable playground experience of being excluded.  

Most people do, right?  

I dismissed the importance of the moment for years...brushed it off as inconsequential...just kids being kids...everyone goes through it...made it into a joke - if I referenced it at all.

However, the fact that it remained such a vivid memory proved that, common or not, it had an impact. 🥺

When I reflect on the questions I'm asked most about my work... 

Why have I - a white, blond-haired, blue-eyed woman - focused on multicultural issues for my entire career as a psychologist (nearly two decades)? 

And, even more specifically, why do I emphasize support for Black women and other women of color (people who identify as BIPOC women) in my services?

...this glimpse into the experience of exclusion resurfaces among the early influences.  

I can only guess that this experience - combined with others - sensitized and predisposed me to feel deeply about the experiences of repeat marginalization that BIPOC people, and BIPOC women in particular, endure repeatedly.

In the near future, I'll be sharing a video interview 🎥 about that experience and some of my other influences for doing this work.  

I mention it today, however, because of the ways in which that memory created decades of additional, magnified, and self-fulfilling challenges in my life - and even ways in which it slowed my efforts to really show up fully in support of others. 

Do you have moments like that from your life? ❤️‍🩹

Beginning with that childhood incident, I rapidly withdrew and sought to avoid any situation in which I may not be "wanted" or "welcomed"...to a fault.  

As a result, I've missed countless opportunities for connection and growth...so many times where I failed to introduce myself, join an activity, sit down at a table, or attend an event over the mere question of whether I would be welcome.  Other times I showed up, and then withdrew quickly at the first perception (accurate or not) that I was intruding.

Over time, I've learned to more quickly recognize when this surfaces and navigate with more courage and confidence. I’ve met incredible people, developed and strengthened meaningful connections, and experienced many moments of joy and connection as a result...but I'd be lying if I said that old hesitation never shows up at all.

In fact, for a few years I've had a vision of a program - Chrysalis Collective 🦋 - a group space and experience inspired by the Black women and other WOC I’ve had the pleasure to know well and work with... but I held back because of the fear that I, in my skin color, might not be "wanted" as the person offering it.  

Finally, I realized that nervousness was getting in the way of making a service, and more importantly an experience, available that I knew was needed (and that I still wasn't seeing offered anywhere else!)  

As I began to talk with BIPOC women about it - initially those that already knew me well, and then, gradually, more and more new connections and introductions - I consistently heard statements like...

💖 "I'm getting tears in my eyes just hearing you describe it."

💖 "This is so needed!  I've never heard of anything like this existing!"

💖 "Thank you for doing the work you do.  There was a time during my last job when I desperately needed a space like you're describing and couldn't find anything like it."

Now, it's time for applications and registrations for the inaugural Chrysalis group - scheduled to begin this September!  🤗🥳💝

There is still a challenge - I'm relying primarily on word-of-mouth and introductions to get the news of this opportunity into the right hands - but I’m no longer letting uncertainty stop me from putting it out there.

As I remind my tender-hearted 6 year old, it is not the absence of fear that makes us brave...it is moving forward even while nervous or unsure.

I've realized what gives me courage. It is my passion for supporting those who are so often excluded, underappreciated, marginalized, or otherwise made to feel unwelcome…even as they tend to give so much of themselves to others and contribute extensively to improving the world around them.  

For them, I will be uncomfortable.  For them, I will move through fear.  For them, I will risk being an unwelcome intrusion.

(Of course, I benefit in the process as well. When I remain grounded in my values, passion, and purpose, it helps me to move through these uncomfortable sensations with compassion.  Staying connected to my purpose allows me to meet amazing people and witness their incredible transformation as they begin to deepen their believe in their brilliance. Why wouldn’t I love this work?!? 🥰)  

As I was processing and reflecting on this, I wondered about how this might relate for you, too.

• Where do past injuries and old stories hold you back from showing up as your full, confident, vibrant, worthy self?

• How do you respond when they surface?  

• What helps you to move through those sensations, feelings, and beliefs with care and compassion?

• What do you experience as a result?

Today, I ask for your help so that the women for whom Chrysalis is designed have the opportunity to simply learn that it exists...and decide for themselves whether it's something that they need or want at this point in their lives.

You matter.  You make a difference.  I'm so grateful you're here.