sweater off center
A quick story...
The other day I was sitting in front of my screen (as usual) and waiting for my meeting to begin. I noticed my sweater was slightly off-center in the camera image, so, no big deal, I adjusted it.
Only, instead of straightening, it went even further off center.
I tried again. This time, I overcorrected to the opposite side. Still off center.
In watching my motions and adjustments in the camera, my perception was off again and again and the more I tried to adjust it, the more it skewed... back and forth, back and forth.
Fortunately, I could laugh at myself (which I did) and soon my meeting began and my attention went on to more important things.
While getting my sweater straightened is completely inconsequential (though, if you're still hanging in suspense, I did eventually prevail...at least for a little while!) this immediately reminded me of how hyper-vigilant of our words, actions, or inactions we become during times of stress... and the lengths we go to compensate.
Do you ever find yourself going back over a conversation, picking apart each word you said, each thought you left out, and every detail of viewing yourself (in the mirror of retrospection) with a critical eye?
What about fearing that, if you don't pick it apart, someone else will and you'll be even more mortified?
If so, you're in good company with just about every self-reflective, conscientious, caring person I've ever met.
What I hope for you is a way to lighten this load so that you can care, adapt, learn, and repair without berating yourself or overcompensating in the process.
When you feel deeply and care about your impact on others, you are almost certain to have moments when you wish you'd done something different, or even have something brought to your attention.
Yet, too often when we make mistakes and mis-steps, we either over-defend or over-correct, trying so hard to avoid that same mistake that we err to the opposite extreme.
You've been on the receiving end of this if you've ever had someone respond to your request for change with something like, "Well, I'll never try to help out again," or "You're right, from now on I'll just keep my mouth shut."
One minute you're saying, "Wow, it's hot in here!" and the next response is, "Well, fine, we'll never turn the heat on again!" Hopefully not really, but you get the idea! :)
(Maybe, if you look closely and honestly, you can recognize moments where you've said something like this in a moment of frustration as well!)
Being aware and receptive are extremely important skills when we work to make the world around us compassionate and just.
And, how we respond as we identify areas for change requires adaptability, humility, compassion, and - yes - sometimes humor, so that we can align our response rather than over-correct.
You matter. You can make a difference. I'm so thankful you're here.
