"Other people have it much worse."

"I know other people have it a lot worse."

It's usually said somewhat apologetically, and I've heard it many times (and said it, too).  Recently, I had this conversation again with someone who was trying to reason through whether or not his symptoms and struggles really warranted attention - whether or not they were valid and important enough to address.

Which brings up a really fundamental question - What do we gain by comparing and contrasting one person's hardships to another's to determine validity?

Does it really matter?  At a time when so many individuals, families, groups, and nations are really (I mean REALLY) struggling, how would we constructively measure "who has it worse" and what would that benefit?

Here's a few quick, extremely important considerations instead of that tail-chasing question!  

1.  Focusing on others does benefit us.  It helps us to see the big picture and shift our perspective.  And, helping others actually makes us feel better too (literally - brain studies on this!)  Win-win!

2.  Neglect or dismissal of our own struggles does not benefit us.  When we minimize the validity of our experiences, it greatly compromises our opportunities to heal, grow, and expand into healthy, integrated individuals and participants in our groups (e.g. family, friendships, relationships, community, citizen). 

3.  When we attend and address our own hardships, we experience our resilience and have the opportunity to find meaning, often through compassion.  

4.  Compassion for ourselves can also strengthen our compassion for and connection with others.  Compassion is key to being present with and responding to injustice in a meaningful way.

5.  It's not a competition which person has "had it worse".  

6.  Acknowledging hardship and suffering can be points of connection and compassion that join us across differences.  Being able to be present with our own pain (in whatever form that may take) gives us greater readiness and tolerance for holding space for the pain of others (in whatever forms that may take).  

Each of these could be unpacked in a whole book, course, or podcast series. 

Still, at its baseline, a person's experience is valid, simply because it exists and they have been the one and only person - the expert - on what they have lived through.  

That applies to you, too.  So make space for your own health and healing.  The world needs it as much as you do.

You matter.  You can make a difference.  I'm so thankful you're here.