If you avoid it, maybe it will go away
I am grateful for the range of emotions, including sadness and heartbreak, that make my life full...I'm thankful for the sadness and heartbreak I feel when I witness others' pain, as it allows me compassion and empathy which strengthens my genuine connections with people.
This was part of my recent daily gratitude entry; it's a concept I've been thinking about a lot lately.
My deeply felt emotions enable my most authentic relationships and empower my strongest impact. Without them, I would not be who I am, nor be able to do the work I do.
That said, I've been through years of training and practice to become as grateful for them as I am today. I understand fully I'm a bit "weird" in that regard! 😊
What about you? Are you grateful for your negative emotions, or do you try your hardest to outrun or avoid the negative emotions that surface? (And, truly, no judgment or shame if you do!)
If you're on the side of trying to leave the negative feelings in the dust, you're in good company!
Many times people have been struggling for years (decades) before they intentionally turn toward and face the symptoms that are keeping their life from feeling full, fulfilling, and meaningful - and even then, facing these emotions is often done reluctantly and doubtfully, as a last resort.
Many of us are very adept at trying everything possible NOT to feel these negative emotions (which I also practiced for years!)
There is a deep fear 😟 when people grapple with their individual histories that acknowledging the painful past will make the present feel even worse.
Isn't it better to focus on the positive?
That's in the past, what good will it do to bring it up again?
Thinking about that will only make it worse.
I can't change the past. What's done is done. I just have to forget about it, let go and move on.
There seems to be a parallel process happening in the United States.
As a nation, we've spent decades since the Civil Rights movement (centuries since the first boats of enslaved people) trying to escape the painful parts of our past.
On the whole, the country seems to be trying its best to outrun, avoid, and otherwise distance from the events and emotions that are rooted within that history.
We experience the symptoms, yet to face it directly calls forth the struggle and tension of how we grapple with our most intense negative emotions.
"If we avoid it, maybe the effects will go away" underpins the unspoken (and often spoken) mantra.
In the past year, since the death of George Floyd, 42% of people perceive that race relations have worsened. (I'd venture to ask - have they actually changed? Or, are we just seeing it recognized in more mainstream media?)
Debates about teaching historically accurate representations of our painful history have turned into nearly identical laws being introduced or implemented in 6 states (and counting...) limiting lessons about race and inequality.
The argument seems to be rooted in apprehension and fear about how learning our nation's history, and ways it continues to be visible in the present, will bring us face to face with intense, painful, uncomfortable emotions. How it might lead us to see ourselves, our nation, or our decisions differently.
These laws and prohibitions also appear to be based on significant misunderstandings and misrepresentations about what diversity programs and curriculum actually teach and promote.
Critical Race Theory (CRT) experts, for example, explore a theoretical study of the history of laws and systems in the United States, highlighting how they deeply affected, and continue to affect, the experiences of people from different backgrounds.
Kimberlé Crenshaw, the Columbia Law School Professor who founded Critical Race Theory decades ago, points out that this isn't actually what's being taught in K-12 education programs.
That said -
While the opposition centers on anticipating an undue burden of guilt about one's experience of skin color and privilege on (white) students, this fails to recognize that even negative and uncomfortable emotions can lead to great advantages.
After all, children as young as infants and toddlers are already perceiving differences in skin color, and even showing signs of prejudice. Avoiding teaching and talking about it only allows the ongoing socialization systems to continue unchecked.
If instead, individually and collectively, we could enhance our tolerance and even appreciation for our negative emotions, we could move more quickly and efficiently toward the learning and improved state of being on the other side:
Authentic Relationships
Compassionate Conversations
Just Systems and laws
Strength in both our similarities and our differences
Recently I wrote about my gratitude for sadness. However, I could just as easily focus on feeling thankful for guilt that motivates me to make amends, repair, learn, and grow when I've made mistakes (regardless of whether they were unintentional).
And I can focus on gratitude for anger, which motivates me to take action against injustice...
And gratitude for grief, which motivates me to recognize the meaning and impact of the past and reminds me to appreciate the opportunity of each moment in the present.
Which brings me to this moment...In which I am grateful for you.
You matter. You can make a difference. I'm so thankful you're here.
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