ice, boulders, and reindeer

"People make bad choices if they're mad or scared, or stressed. Throw a little love their way and you'll bring out their best."

Do you recognize where this wise and insightful quote is from?

(Hint: If you're thinking ice, boulders, and reindeer, you're on the right track). :)

How often are you able to see through people's bad choices to the emotions that have grabbed the wheel of their nervous system?

It's hard, especially if you are, yourself, dysregulated - not feeling calm, safe, and connected.

It's one thing to understand intellectually that people act different when they are "mad or scared, or stressed," (and that you do, too). It's another to remember and apply that emotional insight in the moment... and then respond with love rather than your own frustration, anger, or hurt.

When you take it further, and connect the implications that not only behavior, but the entire nervous system changes when someone isn't at their best (including perceptions, thoughts, hearing, facial expressions, and body language), you can see how easy it is for our interactions to go off course (on a grand scale, like we are seeing in the news every day!)

Despite this line being sung by matchmaking trolls in the movie Frozen (did you correctly identify it?), it gives a very direct suggestion for how to repair and reconnect in this strained world, recognize that every one of us is a "Fixer Upper", and move past critiques toward progress.

While it may not come as naturally as noticing one another's shortcomings (such as "the clumpy way he walks, or the grumpy way he talks"), recognizing shared humanity offers an alternate response toward authentic relationships that bring out the best in one another.

When you can see through others' behavior to the pain, see yourself as similarly imperfect, and show up with compassion for both, you build a pathway that makes conversations and problem-solving more sustainable and successful.

Have fun checking out the song if you haven't seen it in a while (or ever - is that even possible given the years-long Frozen craze?) :)

Pair it with other core themes from Frozen, including "fear will only make it worse" and "Only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart" and venture into how to move forward when "The heart is not so easily changed, but the head can be persuaded."

More on those in the future...

You matter. You can make a difference. I'm so thankful you're here.