who is tending to the emotional labor?

I recently reread this article about emotional labor that calls on organizations to recognize, support, and shift perspective on how they support their leaders with four suggestions: 

1. Recognize emotional labor as labor.

2. Promote self-compassion from the top down.

3. Provide training on handling others' emotions.

4. Create peer support groups.

Although it wasn’t the focus on this article, the emotional labor of tailoring one's own feelings and expressions to be more comfortable, understood, and acceptable to others is also pervasively experienced by people with marginalized and underappreciated identities...whether they are in an official leadership role or not.  

The costs of this emotional labor, both to individuals and the people, organizations, and causes they support, is tremendous.

Too many of these incredible individuals sacrifice their health and wellbeing.

Often, they are the ones who are not only showing up again and again to make the systems, organizations, and communities around them safer and more inclusive, but the ones who have the bruises, scars, and heavy, worn armor from living through the repetitive wounds of injustice.

Usually, they show up with smiles, tend to others, and excel in their work...going above and beyond what is asked of colleagues, with little recognition or appreciation in return.  

Although they never get nominated, they certainly deserve academy awards for the performances of being "okay" even after another horrendous news story or personal experience has amplified their history of racial trauma.  

The fatigue behind their eyes, the bend of their shoulders, or the slight tension in their voice as they regain their composure (can you feel that deep breath?) 😮‍💨 before they respond to the latest microaggression is almost imperceptible.

They are beyond tired.  They have every reason to feel discouraged, exhausted, heartbroken, and angry.  

And they keep going...tending to others, over-performing, and occupying a smaller and smaller space in themselves, (at least until their health makes it impossible), because to stop working toward change isn't a viable option.

Is this true for you?

Periodically, I host small roundtables for these resilient individuals...it is an honor to acknowledge their deep engagement, hear their honest struggles, and highlight the necessity of taking care of themselves in the process. These conversations consistently reaffirm the foundation for the passion and purpose that drives my work.  

Too often, for those that are showing extensive and unending compassion for others, the space and concrete support for well-being and self-compassion is largely missing.  

Not only that, it can be inherently risky to let down one’s protections and accept (let alone seek!) support in environments that are psychologically unsafe.

The sad truth is…

While there is a lot of talk of "wellbeing," very little is done to promote it in accessible and tangible ways for those on the front lines of active social justice work, and especially so for those from underappreciated identities and backgrounds.

It's more than a bit alarming that so many people investing and sacrificing so much of themselves to improve the systems, environments, and communities around them are largely unsupported in the vast emotional labor involved.

Whether talking to civil rights lawyers, C-suite leaders, associate deans, presidents of non-profits, DEI consultants, Chief Equity Officers, healthcare practitioners, or HR directors, the reaction to my focus on integrating wellbeing with changemaking is similar.

Consistently, people describe how much it is needed...and neglected.

If you're in a role like this - whether formal or informal - you likely know what I mean.  And you may have a strong sense of what is at stake if it doesn't change.

What will happen if you continue in the same way you have been?  

What will happen to your health?  Your mood?  Your relationships?

How long will you be able to continue this way?  

And, what would change in your health, wellbeing, and impact if you had spaces of true psychological safety and support for this emotional labor?

PLEASE don't underestimate the impact of emotional labor. If you identify with these descriptions, please reach out and let me know - THIS IS ME.

You matter.  You do make a difference.  I'm so thankful you're here.