out of public view 👀 🫣

Where do you go for real support, understanding, and validation?

This tends to be my first question when I see news stories of someone, particularly in leadership, who is facing a setback or struggle while in the public view.  

It's what I find myself wondering when I see news stories like Claudine Gay's resignation from her Harvard presidency, for example. 

Where does she go for real support?

Support that understands the nuances of her intersectional, cultural identity. Support that takes into account the sociopolitical context in which her career continues to unfold. Support that recognizes her genuine strengths and brilliance without putting her on a pedestal or tokenizing her success or challenges.

My sincere hope is that she has had spaces like this throughout her life, not just now in this particular moment of stress and scrutiny.

Unfortunately, in my experience - what I’ve been told by hundreds of people in situations related to Dr. Gay’s - is that this type of authentic support is generally inadequate, if not absent altogether.

People who give so much to others often find themselves in a number of roles and relationships in which they are the supporter, but rarely the “supportee.” Even with loved ones, close friends, or trusted colleagues, they tend to find themselves giving more than they ask for or receive in return.

And because they look like they have it “all together,” others unintentionally minimize or miss the valid challenges, heartaches, and cumulative toll of ongoing stresses, adding to the sense of alone-ness and isolation.

Especially for those in the public view, finding trustworthy, protected, safe places to process their experience apart from all the views and opinions of others can be especially difficult.  

As a socially conscious leader, there is tremendous pressure to maintain poise and composure, continue to appear confident and self-assured (while carefully avoiding arrogance or hubris, of course!), and have your responses strike a note that conveys, "we've got this" to your team, clients, or public eye.  

For those from historically marginalized identities, the pressures and scrutiny are even greater and the places of genuine understanding and trust even fewer and harder to find.

When I have a hard day, make a mistake, or need genuine and honest feedback, I'm extremely grateful to have a small group of close, trusted friends I can turn to for support - even before I have it all figured out or "pull myself together."  

This is the same type of space that the Chrysalis Collective is created to provide.  A safe space in which members can tend to their real thoughts, feelings, and struggles without judgment, receive support and understanding, and seek the types of feedback, tools, and guidance that they want in that moment.  

It takes intention to join a group, time to build relationships, and courage to show up vulnerably and authentically.  For most of us, it's not easy,

I’d be remiss, however, if I didn’t share this observation:

Time and time again, whether in my own life, my work, or my relationships, I see how priceless spaces like that can be. The power of receiving unconditional regard, respect, reflection, and witnessing of who you are in all your strengths and struggles is one of the greatest protections for your wellbeing. As social beings, even for those of us who are highly introverted, being connected and cared for is non-negotiable.

Given the honest and valid struggles in your life…

Where do you turn for genuine support and understanding?  

What do you experience in relationships and groups that see you for who you are when you don't "have it all together"?

Where are you supported and treated with the absolute certainty that you matter and that you won't be judged by either your best day nor your worst mistake?

My wish for you is that you can answer immediately with a number of people, groups, and spaces in which you and your team experience all of this.

However, if you recognize these questions are a little harder to answer than you’d like to admit, please reach out to learn more about how my services can create these types of spaces and experiences for you and your team.

You matter.  You make a difference.  I'm so thankful you're here.