fear of speaking up 😧

Are you among the 9 out of 10 people who have felt "emotionally or physically unsafe" to express yourself in the last 18 months, especially around social or political issues?  

If not, would you mind sharing your secret?  😉

A study by Crucial Learning in 2021 found that instead of speaking up, people are employing a number of other tactics...many of which are unhealthy and detrimental to constructive conversation.  

Any of these familiar to you?  

• Staying silent and feeling inauthentic

• Avoiding people

• Silently stewing and fuming

• Ruminating about all you'd say if you had the courage

• Faking agreement

• Severing relationships

Organizations, higher ed institutions, and communities are facing significant challenges as they navigate the tense sociopolitical landscape and seek to create cultures of inclusivity and belonging.  

As I'm supporting people engaged in difficult conversations, I see how these thought and coping patterns are amplifying anxiety, disconnection, and fear.  

I saw this play out in full color in a recent email exchange:

The developer of a rural property asked the neighborhood residents, particularly those expressing strong opposition, to come together for a conversation.  

The response was swift.

While one person in the community thread initially expressed an openness to meet, the majority quickly reinforced an adamant position that any discussion would lead to manipulation, compromising their position, "divide and conquer," giving away their strategies, or, at best, a waste of time.  

There didn't seem to be any confidence that they could meet and have a productive, or even respectful, conversation about their different viewpoints.

Sound familiar?

This response is not unique or unusual.  Our expectation and interpretation of others has a considerable impact on our emotions and behaviors.

As described by Joseph Grenny, co-researcher and coauthor of Crucial Conversations:  

"For decades, our research has shown that when we’re talking about issues that are emotionally and politically risky, we tend to see the other person in a more negative light. We tell ourselves stories about our situation that turn us into virtuous victims and the other party into evil villains. This storytelling generates emotions of disgust and fear that we bring into the conversation. These emotions are responsible for provoking much of the conflict we experience as opposed to the toxicity of the topic itself.”

Within their research, participants who engaged in "more extreme stories about their conversational counterparts were more than three times more likely to feel fearful and 3.5 times more likely to lack confidence in speaking their minds."

Changing these stories is not automatic.  

Nor is it impossible.

Imagine what connection, social impact, and transformation could result from confidence in your ability to communicate the ideas and issues that matter most to you and call others in.  

Now magnify that impact across what would be possible if others in your team, organization, or university had the skills to do the same!

Perspectives are changed through experiences.  Experiences occur through connection.  Connection develops through communication.

What is sacrificed when we avoid and inhibit these opportunities?

As you face the uncertainties of the coming months and years, my hope is that you are not only surrounded, supported, and uplifted by those who already see and value your brilliance, but that you can confidently and courageously engage in meaningful dialogue with those people that differ in their perspectives as well.  

Your voice is a powerful force for change.

As a Step into Your Moxie® certified facilitator, I enjoy tailoring and delivering programs that support an inclusive, speak-up culture for organizations, higher ed institutions, and communities.  Reach out if your team would benefit from the confidence and skills to navigate these tense times.  

You matter.  You make a difference.  I'm so thankful you're here.