All the Emotions are Necessary, Except...

People are resilient.  And vulnerable.

Depending on a person's background, they may have more or less experiences of their strength and resilience, in part based on how challenging, traumatizing, or relatively safe their life has been.

We can debate whether it's fair (and perhaps agree that it's not).

Or....We can meet people where they are and help share the tools, resources, and hope so that it can be different.  So that we can be different.  

In my experience and subset of the population that attends diversity trainings, personal growth workshops, or therapy, very few people feel confident coping with the full range of human emotions.

Yet, coping with the full range of human emotions is essential for social justice progress.  Space to feel our own emotions.  Space to hear and acknowledge others' emotions.  Space to understand and learn from our own and others' emotions.  Space to be guided through the wisdom of our emotions.

Intense. 

Powerful. 

Valid.

We can feel angry and guilty.  Heartbroken and hopeless.  Frustrated and discouraged.  Hopeful and inspired.  Excited and nervous.  Terrified and determined.

All Emotions are Necessary, Except Shame

All the emotions are necessary...Except shame and shaming.  

The rest we can listen to.  Learn from.  Channel into growth, energy, determination, and action.

Shame and shaming does the opposite.  It shuts us down.  Literally darkens our mind.  Disconnects us internally.  (By the way, this is our effect when we shame others as well).

And what disconnects internally, disconnects externally.  We don't come back out until it feels safe.  Picture a turtle here, pulled into its shell.

And when, where, and how does it feel safe?  With people who affirm you are okay.  Your emotions matter.  Your experiences matter.  You matter.

The Risk of Reinforcing Disconnection

When people turn away to find affirmation, belonging, and acceptance, we are all vulnerable to where they will look.

Information on conspiracy theorists shows they don't get there withone huge leap.  They get there beginning with one small step..."Well, that might be true..." and then another, and another.

Same for the way back out.  

How can we apply this in our own lives?  Own conversations?  Own relationships?

It's very easy to get caught in the consternation, trying to avoid, shut down, or change our emotions (or those of others).  

Focus on the Essential Questions

Yet, when we refocus on the central questions:  

    Where do I want this interaction to go?  

    Who do I want to be right now? 

Then, it naturally leads to the next key reflections:  

    What is most likely to support that outcome?  

    How can I best facilitate positive change in this moment?

When we stay centered on our bigger purpose, the next steps become more and more clear.  And, we owe a debt of gratitude to the emotions that brought us there.  

Ultimately, the map of emotions lights the way to what we need, what others need, and how we can navigate closer and closer to meeting those needs.  Valid needs for a place of meaning and belonging, understanding and acceptance, offered and available for a larger and larger community.

You matter. You can make a difference. I'm so thankful you're here.